Proud Spammers…

I’m doing something meta here. Just got spammed by a recruiting agency that’s clearly too fond of Constant Contact, and clearly doesn’t care to do research. So, writing them back, but via social. Because it was a social media job. So: meta. Right? Is that how it works? I have no idea. Anyways: bit of a rant, with some blue language. Just ‘cuz.

Since they decided it was okay to spam me by name, I feel like it’s okay to mention them by name. Since, you know: fairness.

Dear Entech Network Solutions:

Nope. I am not a social media strategist. Nor am I receptive to what is clearly a mass-mailing. Call me arrogant, call me an individual, or – crazy as this sounds – call me freaking human. Nobody appreciates random recruiter spam (no one – no one, at all). We all hate it. And, it doesn’t work – in fact, the more you do it, the more people come to hate recruiters, and the more likely it is they will refuse to engage with them.

In other words: you are spamming yourself, and so many recruiters who actually give a fuck, out of business.

Here’s the damned spam:

Hi Martin, I wanted to check in with you and see if you are open to new job opportunities! We currently have a client in New York City with an opening for a Social Media Strategist. We also have other similar opportunities for the same client in Austin, TX and San Francisco, CA. The ideal candidate would have a strong paid social media background. They should also be heavily client facing and be a key player in the clients’ social strategy to optimize performance marketing across all social channels. To find out more about this positions click below: Paid Social Media Strategist- New York, NY If this is not the right fit or time for you, we are offering a $500 referral payout bonus if the candidate you connect us with gets hired by our client. Please pass this message along as I would love the opportunity to partner with you. I hope to catch up with you soon!

Sincerely,

Blah. Bleck. Had to get that off my chest. If you’re reading this, and you’re not in recruiting, just know that not all of us are like this. Many of us love helping match people and jobs, it’s why we do it. We give a crap, in other words. But… clearly, not all of us do.

Also, Entech? The mid-90s called. They want their web site back.

*Update: I did email the recruiter back directly, and asked her to think about focusing on quality, as opposed to playing the numbers game (I may have said “this spray and pray approach doesn’t work”). Her response? “Spray and pray serves us well”. So… I guess they’re… proud of it..? FML

This Is Why Candidate’s Won’t Talk to You (Us)

Hi. Familiar subject, so please indulge me.

A few months ago, a recruiter texted me with an opportunity, one for which I was (and will always be) wildly unqualified for. I led them along for awhile – just because I was bored, and wanted to see how far it would go, but never lied. They just kept texting and texting. The whole thing ended when I texted that I tended to go into high pitched giggles when stressed in a phone interview, and how could they help me? That killed it.

Or, maybe it killed it. Because they did it again, a week later.

What brought it to mind, were the following inmails from Robert Half. It’s insane. I’m a recruiter, with a degree in poetry. I am in no way qualified to handle anyone’s money. No.

I just wish it would stop.

LinkedIn Recruiter Spam…

Uggh. Alright, so first: it’s been 6 months since I posted. That’s insane. The new job at PwC is amazing, love my boss/ team/ and the work we’re doing. I’m very much in my happy place. All that said, time is whipping by. I’ll make an effort to be more diligent here. Maybe. Sorta.

Or, well, to be a bit more honest: I have no idea. I’ll try to write more. I love it, have a hacker-level ability at it, and gods know I need the catharsis… But. Yeah. I am loathe to promise.

All that said, it’s a typical busy day, err night by now, and I should be pushing a deliverable. I just need to vent for a second, about abuse. Abuse of my time, of LinkedIn, of recruiting in general. One particular thing. Spam.

I have a connection, whom I’ve never met, and I’m not sure how we connected. That’s fine – she seems legit, works in recruiting, etc. No big deal. But for this: her only communications to me, ever, are spam. I just got one, and I’m going to post it as an example of why, when I ask for feedback on “what’s your biggest complaint about LinkedIn”, I get responses like this one from an engineer friend of mine:

“Too many lazy recruiters sending job offers that aren’t applicable to some ones skill set or even better asking for free referrals #hacks#drainonhumanity“

That’s a huge issue for our industry. We’ve talked and talked about it at a leadership level, but then we see data showing individuals who have sent thousands of inmails in a single month.

Thousands. Plural. Figure an average of 22 wrk days per month. 4400 inmails. 200 a day. Being generous, let’s say 4 hours a day just sourcing on LinkedIn. So… 50 an hour. Basically one a minute. That, or just pure bulk messaging (and we all know that’s what it really is).

How can that be effective? Nobody responds to those, unless they’re desperate. And, if they’re responding, they probably applied already anyways. It’s just busywork, by a lazy recruiter, and it’s killing us.

Please. Stop. It. Just leave the industry if that’s your approach, or take the time to learn a new approach. All you’re doing is making people hate  the rest of us… and, sometimes, you get blogged about for it.

In any event, here’s the inmail I got (redacted to, well, not be a jerk on my end). Bear in mind, this is from the president of a staffing firm who – supposedly – knows who I am, and what I do for a living. Knows that asking me for leads like this, and in this fashion, is futile – heck, under LinkedIn’s new rules tightly limiting the number of inmails recruiters can send per month, is actually a waste of money and time. Should also know I’m a mean son-of-a-gun at times. This is like poking a bear with a short stick…

Hi Martin,

We are hiring!!! (sorry, this is Martin – editorial note – what?I have actually blogged about how much I hate unnecessary exclamation points – and, kid, this is a case in point. Imagine someone coming up to you at a party and shouting at you like this “We’re hiring!! WEEE!!!” You’d want to knock them on the head with the punch bowl in self-defense. And everyone would applaud you). Even though it’s cold outside, the digital job market is HOT! We are looking for top talent to fill the following positions:

For full job details please visit our career page at

www.spammityspam!

(best if viewed in IE) (Wait. Whaaa?  So: “best viewed in a browser that nobody in digital or marketing will ever use!”… and these roles are all about digital and marketing… anyways: go on…)

Account Management /Strategy
• Group Planning Director-Performance Marketing- NYC
• Account Director – Digital Performance Marketing-CHI
• VP, Group Account Director- Dallas/Ft. Worth
• Digital Strategist-LA
• EVP, Group Account Director- Boston
Analytics
• Analytics Director- Boston
• Web Analyst- Chicago
• Supervisor, Insights and Data Science- Chicago
• Supervisor, Insights and Data Science-Social- NYC

Display Media
• Digital Media Planner-CHI
• Digital Media Planner- NYC
• Digital Media Planner- SF
• Associate Media Director- RTB-NYC (Really Trying BS? I don’t understand, but yes, that is what this email amounts to)

Email Marketing
• Deployment Consultant-Miami

Search/SEO
• Associate Director, Search- Chicago
• Media Manager-Paid Search- Chicago
• Sr. Media Manager-Paid Search- Search- NY
• Sr. SEO Strategist- NY
• Director of Paid Media- Dallas, PA (Was that where they shot JR? I always thought he was a Texan…)

Social Media
• Social Media Manager/Recruiter- Ft. Lauderdale (NO. You are one, or the other. NO.)

Sales
• VP, Business Development- Multi-channel -NYC
• Media Sales- Digital OOH/TV/Video-NYC (What? OOOH TV! Is that somebody who’s still excited about the talkies? I’m confused. Also, clearly, if I don’t even know what the title means…)

Tell your friends!!! (Oh, trust me: I am)
We are offering a referral bonus if your one of your referral is hired by our client. You will receive an iPad or $500 gift card for your first hired referral and $1000 cash for any additional referrals that are hired. Candidates must exceed their 90 day probationary period before a referral bonus is issued. Referrals are valid for 6 months.

Thanks for your help! (Oh, no – thank you. I needed a distraction…)

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Spamming

Idly curious about this one. What possess people to blindly apply to job openings, with little – often, it seems, no – relevance to what they do and/ or want to do?

Does something make them think this is a good decision? “Ahh, I know. I’ll actively try and get a job I’ll hate, and/ or be unqualified for, so I can stand around ironically dropping quotes from Office Space in reference to how much my job sucks.” I mean, props for wanting to actively live out an Ironic lifestyle – the Surrealists had nothing on you. Have you thought about getting around to publishing your Ironic Manifesto, or does its apparent lack of existence tie into its overall meaning? Perhaps there’s a hidden message you’re trying to convey, when you apply for a job titled Business Analyst, and include a cover letter that says:

Hi,

I am pursuing Master’s in Electrical Engineering with specialization in signal processing and communications. I am currently working on research and development of digital signal processing (Image and Audio) algorithms for biosensors and implementing them on Android platform to develop innovative heath applications. I have worked at Alcatel-Lucent Technologies as a Software Engineer for 2 years. Currently, I am seeking for a full-time position in the field of signal processing and Communications, as I would be graduating in May 2012.

Thanks,
R K

On second thought…. oh, I get it. You’re an Absurdist! Come to inflict your humor-infused Nihilism on the rest of us. That clears a lot of things up. Mr. Godot will be with you shortly.

Or, with a “Wham, bam! Thank you, Sam!” you can exit the stage, pursued by a bear, a storm, or perhaps a jibbler.

Pretend like all of this is real – that it has consequences, and that well thought out actions can have consequences that are beneficial. That a happy life is somehow possible.

Here’s… well, here’s the thing I’m thinking (and, have thought before – likely will again): apply for _specific_ jobs. Pick your target. Aim at it. Fire. The idea that you’re going to both get a job, and then have that job be one you actually enjoy (this preventing said Ironic Life) by spamming out resumes is the equivalent of going into a biker bar wearing  a t-shirt that says FBI, after taking half a box of No-Doze, putting on a blindfold, and then standing up and yelling “I’m the baddest mother in this room – which one of you pansies wants to die first?!” and expecting to walk out the winner. Or even, alive

I know, I know – what’s the fun in living a life bereft of risk, and her Siames twin consequence? Still. Maybe you should save that stuff for Big Mickey’s Brew & Brawl, on the weekends, and tell Godot that _he_ can stay on hold.